Hi I’m Sam, 47 years young and mum to Luke aged 15.
I’m a TA in a primary school and during those difficult COVID times I really struggled with it all.
During February half term 2021 we all tested positive for Covid.
David was one of the most laid-back people I’d ever known. He was a 6ft one, who we referred to as our gentle giant. David cycled to work, went clay pigeon shooting, played badminton for many years, and was an avid motorbike fan up until we had our son.
After being unwell with COVID for a couple of weeks, I was recovering but David was taking longer to get over it but not showing any red flags as was being talked about over the media. On 1st March we went to bed separately not knowing it would be the last time we would see each other. During the early hours of 2nd March I was woken by strange breathing noises from the next room. The next part I’m going to share with you is something I’ve not talked about with many people and I know will be upsetting to many. After deciding to call 999 and whilst on the phone David stopped breathing and I was told to perform CPR on him. It is one of the most traumatic experiences ever of my life and something I never ever thought I’d had to do, least of all to the person I loved.
Unfortunately, after the attendance of 3 ambulances and their staff working on him, David passed away. It was then that I learnt what it was to be truly heartbroken.
I had great support from family and amazing friends and think that first year of him passing was all just about survival mode. When you lose your partner you don’t just lose someone you love, you lose a big part of yourself, your future goals and dreams, emotional support, financial worries and are suddenly thrown into being a lone parent. It’s a scary world all in your own, having to grieve but also be the support for your child is hard work and tiring.
It was just after the anniversary of David’s passing and even though I had family and many friends I had a real huge sense of being lonely. A couple of friends showed me this group they’d seen on Facebook called Bereavement Cafe. I’ll be honest I thought it sounded grim but after having counselling over the phone I was desperate to speak to someone face to face.
I went with my friend the first time and I think just sat and cried at everyone’s stories and the fact I didn’t want to break down in front of strangers. A lady who had also lost her husband said how she cried everyday and that she felt so lonely. This was extremely hard to hear but the relief I felt hearing someone feeling the same as me was just immense. Before leaving a lady asked me in the car park if I’d be going again, we exchanged names, agreed we both go if the other one was and then hugged.
Going to the Cafes is the best decision I’ve made. I still go now and aim to go each month. I talk so freely and openly in front of everyone there and always say I’d be lost without it. We learn so much from each other and are helping make grief much less of a taboo subject. We talk, cry and laugh sometimes. We message each other when we need support and meet up socially which is so lovely. What has brought us together are tragic circumstances but the friends I’ve made are immeasurable. I have to say thank us the best thing about Bereavement Cafe the amazing friends I’ve made.
