This conversation comes up many times during our Cafés, and I know from speaking to people during my 1-1’s and our workshops that there are many people out there that don’t talk about their grief as they don’t think it’s something “big enough” or that others will not feel it’s something that will be causing consistent painful thoughts and feelings.
When we don’t feel like others will listen, or are made to feel our grief isn’t as important as someone else’s that can really invalidate our feelings, which can cause so much more pain.
This always reminds me of a time approaching the first Christmas without Steve, sat having my nails done when the lady next to me asked if I was looking forward to Christmas .. so I was honest and told her I wasn’t and why, without hesitation she replied with “I know how you feel, My dog died last month and I’m not looking forward to it either”…. 👀
I couldn’t believe this lady was comparing the death of her dog, to the death of my lovely Husband, who had lost his life so young, ripping him away from his children, shattering all our future hopes and dreams and leaving a gaping hole that would never, ever have any hope of being filled with the death of her Dog.
it was only a year later, after doing my intense Grief Recovery & Specialist training that I learnt a little more and gained more knowledge on Grief & Loss.
During that training, I learnt that no matter what someone is grieving, Dog, Great Grandparent, Husband, or Child. I learnt that the powerful feelings of grief are 100% felt by the griever. 100% at that moment that lady having her nails done was feeling that loss, despair, the gut-wrenching sickness whenever she thought of her loving pet.
It’s so easy for us to assume someone doesn’t feel as bad as us, or as others do because “we think” their loss is minimal in comparison.
There is no hierarchy in Grief.
Grief is Grief.
It’s a result of a loss and is felt 100% by the griever.
If your loss is the biggest thing and worst thing that has ever happened to you, it’s ok to feel this way, it’s ok to grieve and it’s definitely ok to keep talking about your loss over time.
Jane xx
